It’s not my favorite place, off kilter.
It’s the kind of place where your car breaks down, or you lock yourself out of the house. Because, you know, you’re not really THINKING . . .
But back to school time, despite my endless schedules and charts and lists, is a time when I get off kilter I suppose.
I don’t know what to do with all my responsibilities, or with the time I have to myself, or with the craziness that ensues when the kids return home.
I had a whole week disappear on my – the entire last five days – no clue what I did, though I know I did things – no clue where I went though I used plenty of gas. I didn’t lose the kids.
So the lesson has been learned – I was so busy worrying about getting things DONE that I didn’t pay much attention to the doing, or to myself, or to making sure what I was doing and how I was doing it meshed with my goals and values or even with what would make me happy this week.
Next week I hope to do better!
I think that’s the issue isn’t it? That if it’s a string of days, then it’s NOT one day at a time. Then there’s pressure. Because if I did well for six days and I don’t make the seventh, well, should I just give up?
Honestly, historically YES.
But that’s not what this new journey is about.
Today was just one day.
And it went fairly well, not perfect, but I did the most important things on my list. The family wore clean clothes, ate off clean dishes. The food was homemade. The errands were run.
I did some of my walking, but bailed when it got unpleasant – and called it a day – tomorrow is another day and I did a lion’s share yesterday. Balance.
I didn’t work much on the household chores but the dishes are done and quite frankly it felt more worthwhile to play cards with Clara, or to let the kids play on the playground after school on this beautiful day.
Not a bad day at all. Of course, tomorrow is another day.
But we’ll worry about that one in the morning.
I’ve been searching. Looking everywhere.
I’m all out of whack.
I want to find peace, to find balance, to feel grounded in myself.
I want to do a better job of living my life, but I’m so often in a state of disconnect, mind from body, spirit from brain, that days disappear and yet again, not how I would have chosen to spend my time.
So starting today I will search for balance, one single day at a time.
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